here again

uprooting everything during a pandemic is impossibly hard. it feels selfish to say it, because so many people right now are enduring so much worse, but I know it's not healthy to bottle up my emotions until I can't feel them any more. you'd think I feel more free to feel everything in this city where I know no one, but it's not that simple.

I moved across the country for grad school--something really important to me. I'm really excited for this new stage in life to begin--I'm truly an academic at heart, and I'm never happier than when I'm busy with research and projects. however, I know how crucial it is to have a support system, right now especially. my current support system is twenty one hours--or more--away. my only access to the people I know and love is through my phone, and with each and every day, I feel like it's sucking away at my soul. I can't leave my house to build a new community--I can't leave my house for much of anything, not in good conscience as a public health student. so I'm left feeling adrift, like there are too many hours in the day, too many days in the hours. 

there's not much I can do about it--I've got all the hobbies I can handle, and once I have classes again, I'll feel a little less at loose ends. but I desperately need a support system outside my phone, because the more I'm on it, the more empty and alone I feel. 

a long time ago, I blogged because I needed a safe space to have a voice, where no one I knew personally would care about what I said. it eventually became a chore I felt like I needed to complete twice a week, until I finally stopped. 

I'm hoping I can still reclaim this space, to help me fill my days and build a support system of a sort while I'm stuck inside.

here's hoping it works. 

- elizabeth